I’ve always wondered what would have happened if Saul had made a different decision in 1 Samuel 28. What if, instead of going to the Witch of Endor…he stopped trying to seek God’s voice, and instead went to the temple, offered up sacrifices, and sincerely apologized, told God he wouldn’t keep bugging Him and then ending with the acceptance phrase “Thy will be done”.
I don’t think it would have averted God’s Will that Saul die. But would it have done anything to redeem him in the eyes of God? Perhaps the death would have been less humiliating. Or at the very least, Saul could have found peace in the fact that he attempted to make real amends with God.
In Saul’s story, that’s the real takeaway. It’s not David’s rise to power that is captivating, but rather the defiance Saul shows God towards the end…all to get God’s attention. It’s like he was an addict.
That addiction is something I saw in myself as I sought out Word of Faith ministries. My own addiction was tied to my encounter with an Angel of the Lord. Desperately, I was seeking someone out that could tell me what God wanted me to do. At one point, I thought I found a prophet. I thought they could help me get direction from God…but after a while I learned they were a Foolish Prophet (one which believes they speak what God asks them, but are really following their own spirit).
Much like Saul, I find myself constantly questioning what God wants from/of me. But where I hope I’m different from Saul in, is that I won’t simply reject what God tells me if I ever end up getting that wish fulfilled.
In the Witch of Endor, I saw myself in the Witch. But that didn’t scare me. Where our personalities parallel, I found comfort. But in that story, I also saw a lot of myself in Saul- and that DOES scare me. Where the Witch is driving the train, so to speak, what I see in Saul is the potential to be the person convincing everyone to board the train.
Sometimes I wonder if my talking about my belief that God allows us the opportunity to explore the supernatural to test our faithfulness to the First Commandment will cause more people to chase after other gods. Or would my omission of this information damn someone I know that may have been saved otherwise?
For years I did what Saul did, sought God’s Wisdom…only to come up empty-handed. So instead of continuing the futility of Saul’s actions, I accepted that I would only be given the Bible to launch my understanding of what God wants me to do and went with the direction I think Saul should have taken in the end:
“Father, I know I cannot hear you. I know that by seeking your direct intervention in my life, I’m only proving myself to be wicked and adulterous. I can only hope that I get things right, but you are my judge. Whatever comes, whether it means you visit evil, good or neither upon me, I accept Thy will and hope I can find it within my soul to be okay with.”